Tyler, Kyle, and Brandon, Hanging with a Little Person in a Top Hat
(Clickenate to embiggenate.)

And, more creepily, pictures like this:

WTF, Kyle and Your Bachelor Party Crew?!?! I Mean, Seriously, WTF?!?!
(Click to enlarge, if you dare.)

There are about 316 things wrong with this photo, but let’s just concentrate on #264: That horse. It’s a guy. Never mind Brandon is getting ready to punch a 17 foot tall gorilla that’s been cropped out of the picture (#82 of What’s Wrong with this Picture). Never mind Tyler’s peace sign and Kyle’s pointed finger (#205). Never mind that everyone’s eyes looks like Edgar Winter’s at a paparazzi convention (#54). Just look at the horse. Let’s call him Ed. And check out who Ed is checking out. Don’t you get the feeling that, if things progress any faster, Ed is not going to let Kyle marry Samantha in June? That horse seriously gives me the willies.

But, okay, let’s talk about the elephant in the room, #1 on our list: If our heroes are so into horses, couldn’t they have least gone to a club that featured fillies? WTF, Kyle and your bachelor party crew?!?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

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May 19th Playlist (Click for expandinate.)

Random observations:

• The Silver Jews … the guy can’t sing worth a damn, but: (1) he doesn’t try to, (2) he’s wry as hell, (3) he tells a hell of a story. Works for me.
• Hey, I think I heard that the NATO protesters in Chicago were playing this Bad Religion song. “This is the way of the modern world | Everyone's fighting for dominance | This is the way of the modern world | And something's gotta give.”
• Apparent user error. This Immaculate Machine album should be in my regular playlist. Love it.
• Pearl Jam! “Cowabunga!”
• Hey, I think I heard that the NATO protesters in Chicago were playing this Police song. “Now if I tell you that you suffer from delusions | You pay your analyst to reach the same conclusions | You live your life like a canary in a coalmine | You get so dizzy even walking in a straight line.”
• It’s Saturday morning and the Pixies are playing through my speakers. It’s a good Saturday morning. (Tip of the ball cap to Reno's Thinly Veiled Hatred For Californians owner Josh Livernois for turning me onto those guys way back when.)
• It’s Saturday morning and Dire Straits are playing through my speakers. It’s a good Saturday morning.
• Had they been more popular, I probably would have detested Haircut 100 as much as I do Tears for Fears. Instead, they’re an interesting musical diversion that’s kind of catchy in a nostalgic sort of way.
• Did Aretha Franklin ever sing a bad song? I mean, has she ever sung a song that didn’t sound better because she was singing it? And I say this as a lover of Elton John’s original. Man.
• Not their best, but this Rogue Wave song is a decent listen. I’ve always wondered why these guys didn’t hit it big.

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“Yeah, well, I can't wait all day. I'm going.”

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Take That, Stupid Kid!

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Whiskey?! Tango?! Hotel?! Strange Dancing Boys? I Mean, Seriously, WTH?!
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May 12th Playlist (Click for expandinate.)

Random observations on a random playlist:

• The Dr. Dre song isn’t really a song. It’s more, uh, audio porn. Kiddies, wait ’til you’re 18 to listen. Or maybe until you’re 46. Or maybe never.
• The Marilyn Manson song isn’t the best off this album, but it’s unmistakably Marilyn Manson. “This is what you should fear | You are what you should fear.” Check.
• I always thought the “The Best of Tears for Fears” CD should be blank. Seriously, I cannot describe just how much I despise this band … and this song only enhances my despisaton. What the hell is it doing in my library?
• This Antonio Aguilar song should have been the first song on last week’s Cinco de Mayo playlist. Takes me back to my Imperial Valley days.
• I’ve never been a big Elvis fan, but that’s more a function of me being me than it is sound commentary on his music. This is a hoppin’ little number.
• T-Bone Walker’s “T-Bone Blues” take me back to late-80’s B.L.U.E.S. on North Halsted in Chicago. I love following the bouncing piano through this song.
• The Lester Flatt, Earl Scruggs & The Foggy Mountain Boys song is exactly what you’d expect a Foggy Mountain Boys song to be. Pretty fun.
• When I hear him now, it always surprises me how much I used to like Alan Parsons and all his various projects. I’m not saying substances may have influenced my previous opinions, but, okay, they may have influenced my previous opinions.
• Wow, that Harry Chapin song was an intense way to end the playlist. I just listened to it again to make sure I liked it as much the second time. Yep.

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Look! Art! Whoooooaaaaaaaaa!

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Sponsored By Who? (Click to embiggenate.)

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Take Off the Gloves, Esperanza!
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May 5th Playlist (Click for expandinate.)

Random observations on a random playlist:

• This is a dopey song, but Faster Pussycat is a fun, dopey band. I might have to throw an album or two of the Pussycat into my regular playlist for a month or two.
• I love Van Morrison and all, but songs like this fall into the category “yeah, that sounds pretty much indistinguishable from most Van Morrison songs.” Besides, I prefer the two songs that feature Mark Knopfler off that album.
• Regarding this Chicago song, duplicate the first sentence in the previous bullet and replace “Van Morrison” with “Chicago’s earlier songs” and you’ll get how I feel about this song.
• Down home blues is what this Corey Harris & Henrey Bulter album is … and damned if it don’t sound good.
• Oh. Nice follow-up from previous song. Any band that can said to have influenced the Blues Brothers is welcome on my playlist.
• Take the title of this Grateful Dead song and you’ll know how I have felt about the Grateful Dead a lot of times; it must be a “I accidentally listened to them when I was sober” thing. But I do like this little ditty, even on a sober Saturday morning.
• Back in my college days, I didn’t want anything to do with Goth. But, damn, listening to this Echo & the Bunnymen song, I think I missed out.
• Suze! The Decemberists!
• Vince! Vincente Fernandez! (Nice that it showed up for Cinco de Mayo.)
• Is it just me or does Sex Pistols music sound a lot tamer and conventional today than it did when it first came out?
• Glad the Beastie Boys came within shouting distance of my first ten songs after yesterday’s sad news.

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The $10 Trade is now in effect and will be until the All-Star break is over. Get used to it.

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In roughly an hour-and-a-half, the $5 Trade will be kaput; $10 Trades will then be in effect. Take a few minutes and submit your trades before today's first pitch to get the most trade value for the buck.

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• "I'm making this trade to drop the dead weight. Stanton is playing like the team he supposedly plays for, MIA. I need the dogs to start hitting the long ball!" ~Mark Olivarria, Dodger Blue
• "We are sending him down to our minor league affiliate, El Chicharrons in Guadalajara, Jalisco, where he shall remain until he hits HRs (or this league starts tracking put-outs). Miguel Cabrera joins the squad, and this guy knows how to party. Drinking scotch from the bottle during a DUI arrest? Bold and daring! We plan on keeping Miggy and Josh Hamilton as far apart as humanly possible." ~Nate Meyers, The Pork Bellys
• "Because Adrian will hit 3 out after I make this trade." ~ Jack Tripp, Sandyeggo Tripper's
• "Need someone who isn't a 22-year-old geriatric" ~Kyle Harmon, Kempin' It Real
• "Just heard Longoria out 4-8 wks. Just missing getting those three knocks from Braun. Hope he keeps raking." ~ Brian Thornburg, Carrboro T-Birds
• "Expected Longoria to have a break-out year, now that he is broken I don't want the trade to break my bank -- go $5 trades!!" ~ Jeff Burns, Valley Bombers

• "For some inexplicable reason that we cannot put our finger (or needles) on, Albert Pujols has seemingly lost his ability to hit home runs. Not sure what he could do to ‘inject’ more ‘juice’ into his bat, but ever since he has become an Angel his power is gone. A guy averaging an HR every 14.3 at bats now has none in 19 games? We are not saying he has changed anything to protect that new contract or his legacy, but we are implying that he might not be using PEDs anymore." ~Nate Meyers, The Pork Bellys
• "I hate this fricking league..." ~Dan Klinkhamer, This League Still Blows
• "I'll probably spend all my trades/cash and still end up in the basement. This league blows. Still." ~Brian Thornburg, Carrboro T-Birds

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As I type, only 2 days, 1 hour, and 45 minutes are left to make $5 Trades; then the price goes up to $10 until the end of the All-Star Break. We already have some trades trickling in. Brian Thornburg, owner of Carrboro T-Birds, threw down on four trades yesterday after having already made four trades so far this season, so he is the first owner this year to earn a free trade; he’ll be able to cash that in any time this season, including the last month of the season when trades cost $20.

BTW, just so you know, heads up, for the record, the following rostered-players are on the Disabled List:

• Cliff Lee
• Jacoby Ellsbury
• Lance Berkman
• Ryan Howard
• Chris Young

Yesterday’s Points

Finally, we have recently added a new page to the website that may help you navigate the day-to-days in the league. Yesterday’s Points shows the points earned by each team on the previous day.

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With a little over 3 days and 2 hours left until the $5 Trade goes all “Adios, MFers” for the 2012 season, now is as good a time as any to talk a bit about the $5 Trade.

• Unless you have earned a free trade, the $5 Trade is the cheapest trade you’ll make this season. Duh!, right?
• A good $5 Trade now will net you a good five months of production out the player your trade for. Duh!, right?
• Remember, if you make five paid trades, you get one free trade that can be used any time until the Regular Season is over. That means five $5 Trades will earn you a free $20 Trade if you use the free trade during the last month of the season.

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Derick Rose Out (Photo courtesy GossipOnThis.com.)

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My April 28 Playlist (Click for largenation.)

Random observations:

• There appears to be supernatural theme going on in this playlist. “Dear God,” “Hell’s Bells,” “Have A Little Faith In Me,” and MC 900 ft Jesus.
• I love that XTC song. The video is a bit dopey, but the song is great.
• Is “Higher Love” one of those place-and-time songs, or what? Steve Winwood will never be upgraded to my regular playlist again, but his album Back In The High Life got a lot of spins on CD player way back when.
• Don’t know if you know this, but Jeff Beck is a pretty good guitar player.
• That Rolling Stones song, I created a ringtone for it. I haven’t assigned it to anyone yet, so don’t cross me.
• Love and Rockets is a great ethereal, goth-ish band. I may need to upgrade that album to my regular playlist for a couple months.
• Joe Cocker is great and all, but I have never been able hear him without thinking of John Belushi’s imitation of him on SNL all those years ago.
• That may be my favorite Neil Young song after “Keep On Rockin’ In the Free World.” I remember discovering it on my brother Jay’s 8-track player and playing it over and over and over, that and “Cowhirl In the Sand.” Note to self: Add Everyone Knows this is Nowhere to my daily playlist.

“Dear God” by XTC

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This Cat Practices Therapeutic Touch

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On this day in 1952, Giants pitcher Hoyt Wilhelm hit a triple; two days earlier he had hit a home run in his major league debut. Over the next 21 seasons -- which spanned 1,070 games and 432 official at-bats -- Wilhelm never hit another triple or homer. And wouldn’t you know it, after hitting a homer in his first at bat, I kept him on my SLPL Power-Hitting Pitchers rosters every one of those 21 years. That’s how this league is.

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• "Naturally, I am sure the prick (Hamilton) will get hurt or go on a bender sometime in the next week!" ~Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
• "Already afraid of getting buried in the standings..." ~Joe Kelly, Kershawshank Redemption
• "Cuz I'm a F$&King idiot and didn't take Kemp from day 1." ~David Edison, Cameltowing, Inc.
• "Sorry Cliff going for the Big Fish." ~ Kyle Harmon, Kempin' It Real!
• "Pujols is playing like poo." ~ Kyle Harmon, Kempin' It Real!
• "Cliff Lee is on the DL and Matt Garza might be the best pitcher on the Cubs. Which is kind of like being the tallest midget, but I need the points." David Kohanzo, ANF 2012
• "I need more points...i am slowly falling back!" ~ Tyler Shaddy, Chupacabras
• "We felt that swapping Texas Rangers (Beltre for Napoli) was the best move. Had Walker, Texas Ranger been available we would have considered him too. According to a rumor we may have started, Cliff Lee (15 DL) is also a Nickelback fan. Injuries and steroid use we can tolerate, but Nickelback love, even assumed (come'on, he has a soul patch), will get you waived. Good riddance." ~Nate Meyers, The Pork Bellys

• "We acquire Strasberg with baited breathe, as we expect he is once again a candidate for chronic arm detachment and will likely have to be replaced in the future. Matt Garza has been killing our pitching staff. He may be worth the $5 after tonights outing." ~Nate Meyers, The Pork Bellys

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WTF? by OK Go!

Now, courtesy of Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhmaer, we have the video of the “making of.” Some language at the beginning is not safe for work (NSFW), but since it’s Sunday, you shouldn’t be at work anyway, gol durnit. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, OK Go!?!, how do you keep blowing our minds?!

WTF?! OK Go! How do you keep up the bitcheness? I mean, seriously, WTF?!
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