Game 4 goes to the Red Sox, which pretty much cuts off all hope that this Series might be even remotely interesting. It appears the Dodgers are going down like kittens in a burlap sack. Oh, well.
Anyway, there were massive implications of Game 4 on the SLPL, which we actually care about, because Puig homered, which places Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin squarely in second place, both in the Playoffs Standings and the Overall Standings. Scoot Bigs owner Scott Allen appears to have the upper hand, with 7 out of 12 playoffs players on his team, but a single strikeout by a hitter or a pitcher could make the difference given that he's only seven points ahead in the Overall standings. This league!
Game 3 goes to the Dodgers and I had six major ass surgeries that combined took less time than this debacle of a game and were only slightly more painful. Christ. Someone please put this Series out of our misery.
Anyway, there are massive implications on the SLPL, which we do care about, that came about because Muncy put that game out of our misery. With that game winning dong, Scoot Bigs owner Scott Allen has moved into first place in both the Playoffs Standings and, more importantly, the Overall Standings. With 7 out of 12 playoffs players on his team, can he possibly lose either championship? That, we're interested in seeing.
Game 2 also goes to the Red Sox and I care even less about the World Series than I did yesterday. Maybe, if we get to a Game 6, maybe can I see myself caring an iota about this Series.
Anyway, there are (minor) SLPL implications, which we do care about. Here's how things look after Game 2:
I guess it's going to be the Red Sox vs. Dodgers. Well. So. That. Can anybody in the world do anything in the world to help us care even an iota about either of these teams? Please? Give it your best shot. We want to care, because It's the World Series and all, but we just don't. Anybody? Anybody? Bueller? (Not that Buehler!) Bueller? Anybody?
Well, there is this: The Santa Lechuga Power League! Yes! We care about that! A lot. And the World Series stats, as you know, feed into our beloved league, so there's a strong reason to care. Specifically:
During the World Series...
. Hitters earn 100 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 10 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 10 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 50 points for every homer surrendered
That's pretty awesome. Oh, it it appears that there are a dozen players left in on our World Series rosters, six from each team, so lots of chances for teams to make a splash.
Here's where things stand as of right now, the end of the Championship Seriezez and before the World Series.
Good luck to one and all! (Though, if I had to lay down my nickel right now, I'd put it on Scott Allen and his Scoots Bigelow to win the Playoffs and maybe even take the Overall. Check out his playoff roster. He has seven of those 12 playoff players! Sure, lot of ways to lose points, but also lots of ways to earn points.)
Baseball Furies owner Ray Jasutis formally submitted protest papers yesterday to SLPL offices.
Unfortunately, we hold zero sway with the MLB and have zero abilities — either bureaucratically or emotionally — to deal with a formal protest. We are afraid Ray, who has written the best SLPL blog fodder of the season here, is just going to have to win the Playoffs championship hobbled by bad umpiring.
I’d like to protest (Wednesday's) call by Joe West robbing me of a home run and those precious playoff points. Do the Santa Lechuga commissioners have what it takes to overturn that call and make it right? I’d expect you to have some clout with MLB, so I’m hoping you can help out. If you’re not interested in pursuing Joe West’s robbing one (or two) of your owners, I will be forced to pursue this on my own by calling The MLB office (recorded with their permission) about this travesty and attempt to have them overturn the call. I’m more than happy to share that recording with the commissioners and the league if you see fit. Please let me know if I have to pursue this on my own. MLB’s phone number: Customer Support toll-free number:866-800-1275 Thank you?
Oh, and yes, please do share your recording!
The Championship Seriezez are off to a raucous start, Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer is back in first place Overall, and SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow is scouting out new and different fantasy sport options. Despite all the great things he heard about the sports in Australia, he appears to be striking out down under. To whit:
I'm asking my mates at SLPL because I know them to be some of the more savvy sportsmen in the universe (why else would they participate in SLPL?). But I sat in the grandstands in a green field in Dubbo, Australia, for a good 30 minutes yesterday and tried to figure out what these buggers were doing. Their activity seemed sort of like a "sport" in that men tried to strike a ball with a stick, much like baseball and the San Francisco 49ers' current roster. And the other participants mostly stood around and did nothing. Again, much like baseball. Beyond that, there seemed to be no rhyme or reason for anything anybody was doing, up to including some weird bit of jogging between some sticks posted in the ground. I wondered the point of it all, but came up empty. Can anybody help?
How Do I Convert This to Fantasy Points?
Um. Er. What?
If anyone can help, please email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Australia?!?! You call that a sport? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
In this Sunday Morning Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, we express our disappointment in ourselves …
Yeah, so, we got everything up and running again, finally, which is what we were hoping to do, but within an hour or two one owner — sorry about that, DJay Andersen! — wrote us to let us know that we had pretty much screwed up his entire playoff roster, which, you know, was our only job, not getting rosters screwed up. He was kind enough to tell us we got his pitching roster right, which we needed to know, but it was at that point when we realized that he was going out of his way to be nice to us, likely because he was thinking we are probably a little, I dunno, maybe slow or dumb or stupid or not paying attention or something? but he wouldn't have been wrong in that assessment because we, you know, got everything else wrong on a single roster so maybe there was something fundamentally wrong with us.
Which makes use think, what else have we gotten wrong?
Please, owners, check your playoff rosters. Check your trades. And do us a big favor and double-check every interaction you have had with us in the last two months to see if we were coherent, speaking comprehensibly, and even apparently awake. If you come across anything that makes you think maybe we're a bit off — Paul Martin, no need to report that I told you the Browns had won a game a week before they actually won a game since I've already taken note of that concerning incident — please let us know and we'll print it out and be ready to show the doctor should someone drive us to the doctor because they to are really concerned about us. The documentation could prove useful. And if there's enough, I'll just go ahead and drive myself.
We are worried about us.
And it's not that existential worry like the kind you get when you realize that a heinous, rapey frat boy was just confirmed as a Supreme Court justice and will ruin the lives of everyone in our country but mostly women and the downtrodden while creating even more downtrodden for the next 30 years, but more of a dull, hazy, what-else-have-I-let-fall-through-the-cracks? sort of worry.
Or maybe those two worries are related?
Hey, look, the playoffs have started! Let's enjoy us the playoffs! How are my Indians doing?
Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! us?!?! Why does literally everything in the world bring us so down? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
If all is up and running like we're hoping it's up and running, we're finally up and running for the playoffs. Check this out. Is your roster right? Have we processed all trades appropriately? Are things tracking? If not, let us know ASAP and we'll make the fixes. And good luck the rest of the way.
(Now, don't get us started with what it took to get things up and running! We've been refining this damned Excel spreadsheet for 19 seasons and this season Microsoft decided to just boof our cell names, indiscriminately, for no good reason, which meant we pretty much had to re-do the entire playoffs worksheets. FN Microsoft.)
Meanwhile, many other champs were crowned at the end of Monday's action, which marked the official end of the 2018 Regular Season. Check out these winners:
- La División Culantro Champ: Los Monos de Pepino (1), Tony Livernois
• La División de Berros Champ: Donde Esta Mi Cerveza (6), Tom Kinchus
• La División de Caña de Azúcar Champ: he Chuck Nasty Fan Club (4), Samuel Lewis
• La División de Jamaica Champ: Ben Carson's Woody (13), Rube Furrow
• La División de la Calabaza Champ: Dongwhipped (30), Kevin Klinkhamer
• La División de la Cebolla Verde Champ: Scoots Bigelow (7), Scott Allen
• Hitting Champ: Donde Esta Mi Cerveza (6), Tom Kinchus
• Pitching Champ: Ben Carson's Woody (13), Rube Furrow
• Regular Season Champ: Dongwhipped (30), Kevin Klinkhamer
Congratulations to Kevin Klinkhamer and to all our Regular Season champs!
(By the way, actual money winners will be announced at the end of the playoffs, after the Overall Champ is crowned.)
In Other News
Owners can no longer make any trades for the 2018 season.
More In Other News
The playoffs have begun, but today's spreadsheet does not reflect any playoff stats. It may take a day or two before we get the spreadsheet up and running.
Sill More In Other News
Y’all need to know how points are awarded during the Wild Card and Divisional Playoffs. Here’s how:
- Hitters earn 20 points for every home run hit
- Hitters lose 2 points for every K
- Pitchers earn 2 points for every K
- Pitchers lose 10 points for every homer surrendered
Good luck to all y’alls during the playoffs!
Anyway, we are headed to Columbus, OH and won't be back until late Wednesday night. Which means, it may not be until Thursday before we have the website up-and-running to close out the Regular Season and open up the playoffs. Sorry about that.
Gotta any trades still left to be made?
You paid for those trades. Or earned a couple free ones. Why not use 'em?
So, uh, the Regular Season ends with the last pitch of the last Regular Season game on Monday — Monday?! Yes, Monday. — which means you should maybe start thinking about your playoff roster.
Gotta lotta trades still left to be made?
Well, then, load up on some players from playoff teams and see what happens.
You might be in 19th place Overall, but a good run by a bunch of playoff players no one else has on their rosters might propel you to the top spot.
You just never know.
Besides, you paid for those trades. Why not use 'em?
Commission Rube Furrow, who is in first place in the Overall Standings - WTF?!, indeed — shares this with the comment, "I could watch this all day" Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Over-talented, strong-armed rookie. I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
This comes from Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer, who thinks bizarre stuff is overtaking the MLB. Kevin says:
"What the hell is going on this season?!?! We've already had two people who caught two foul balls at a game (with one guy doing it on consecutive pitches) this MLB season. Now we move into fair territory as this guy in Toronto catches two home runs in the same damn inning ... with a sweet one-handed snag on the second HR."
2 homers, 1 inning.
This fan caught two (2) home runs in the same inning.
Except, maybe there's more to the story?
Of course, there's always more to the story, which may explain why the original Tweeter took the original Tweet down.
He got the Home Run Derby Points. He got the Judge, Trout, and Springer HR points. He got the Sale, Severino, and Scherzer K points. And though his hitters struck out five times and his pitchers gave up a dong, those losses weren't too much fo keep Vince Livernois and his Citizen Inane from winning the 2018 All-Star Championship in the Santa Lechuga Power League, the first official championship awarded for the 2018 season.* And, man, what an All-Star Game! Ten total HRs and 23 total strikeouts Man. For his win, Vince pulls a cool 200 clams out of the coffers and the adoration of 35 other owners who wish they could have won 200 cool clams. (Since in the end it may be more than $200, depending on league trading activity, we will be delivered Vince's winnings at the end of the season.) Congratulations to Vince Livernois!
*This assumes we didn't make any mistakes. Which is to say, we may have messed up some of the math here since we had to manually enter each of those ten home runs and 23 strikeouts for every team in the league. If we made any mistakes, please notify us ASAP so that we can make corrections. You will find our tracking under the All-Star Stats tab in our boffo spreadsheet!
Twenty-eight teams took an early 250-point lead in the All-Star standings, which raises the question: "How the ever-loving eff do only 28 SLPL teams have Bryce Harper?!" Sure, he's not leading the league in HRs and he strikes out at an incredibly uncomfortable rate — Christ, is it possible he has 102 Ks already?!?! — but he's still a net positive of +127 so far this season, so, you know, he has that going for him. Oh, and the 2018 Derby trophy.
Who am I to talk? I'm sitting in third place in La División Culantro.
More All-Star fun Tuesday night, after which will will crown our first championship of the season and hand out a $200 prize.
By the way, we're traveling tomorrow, which means we may not be able to announce the winner and update the website until Thursday morning. Sorry about that, folks.
If you are unfamiliar, or just don't remember, here are the rules for the SLPL’s All-Star Championship, which will be crowned at the conclusion of the All-Star game Tuesday night:
How do I score points for the All-Star Standings?
During the Home Run Derby...
- If a player on your roster wins the All-Star Home Run Derby, your team picks up 250 points
During the All-Star Game...
- Hitters earn 150 points for every home run hit
- Hitters lose 25 points for every K
- Pitchers earn 25 points for every K
- Pitchers lose 75 points for every homer surrendered
The team with the most combined points — Home Run Derby points plus All-Star Game points — will win the All-Star Championship.
BTW, points earned in this category are allocated exclusively to the All-Star Standings and are not allocated to the Overall Standings.
First up? Tonight's Home Run Derby, worth 250 points.
Yadier Molina has exited the game. pic.twitter.com/ryrFmDc60p— Deadspin (@Deadspin) May 5, 2018
This is bonkers, Cespedes home run went into a garbage can (that does not have a open top) in the bullpen. What are the chances that a ball hit will go into a garbage can that has openings in the front. You have to see it to believe it pic.twitter.com/O4goXPVz6Y— Mets World Series Parade TBA (@mikedee718) April 29, 2018
Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already
Our stats and standings are up-and-running! As before, are using a mambo-jumbo spreadsheet that is converted to a webpage, so look for the tabs at the bottom of the page to navigate the various pages of information, including how our whopping pot is calculated and distributed.
Please do us a favor and go to the Rosters tab to take a look-see at your roster. What are you checking for? To make sure we didn’t bungle anything, which is wicked-easy to do when you’re manually entering 15 players for 36 teams players. If we made a mistake, let us know by making a trade here and explaining our mistake in the Message at the bottom of that page.
Once again, welcome to the 2018 Santa Lechuga Power League! Good luck!
- We have 36 owners — same as last season — including two new co-owners and at least one wayward son who has returned to the league after being gone for a season or two
- We have a whopping $3,500 pot!
- Given said whopping pot, the minimum payout to any champ will be $175
- Our website — your are looking at it right now — will be up-and-running fully by the end of the weekend
- Our stats and standings should be up-and-running by the end of the weekend, too
Welcome to the 2018 Santa Lechuga Power League! Good luck. We hope you enjoy the five-cent Tequila Poppers and our trademarked Cabbage-On-a-Stick!
Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already
With the first pitch of today’s first game, LetsPlayCatch owner Weston Livernois was officially* crowned the 2017 winner of the Phil Rizzuto Memorial Hall-of-Fame Death Pool, thereby officially closing out the 2017 season. “I would like to thank Bobby Doerr for allowing me to scrape $200 out of the pot. His death means a lot to me.” Weston said after being crowned champ. “And before you get all mad for saying that, look, I'm a senior in high school. Every dollar I earn means a lot to me.”
*When we say "officially," we mean that as of right now we know of no other Hall-of-Famers who died before today’s first pitch since Bobby Doerr walked into the Iowa cornfields last November. If news stories come through that someone kicked it before this afternoon’s games, we'll have to revise our officialness status and see what shakes out.
For Those Interested In Such Things
Here’s how the Hall-of-Fame Death Pool points are scored: Points are earned by subtracting the reported age of the dirt-napper at the time of his death (rounded down to the most-recent birthday) from 100 and multiplying the result by 5. So:
• An 80-year-old would get 100-80=20*5=100 points.
• A 40-year-old would get 100-40=60*5=300 points.
And here’s how the Magic Number works: The team with the Magic Number closest to the Date-of-Death (DoD) will get an extra 25 points. If that team's Magic Number matches the DoD, the team will instead get 50 extra points.
For Those Creeped Out by Such Things
Here's how we justify to ourselves having a Hall-of-Fame Death Pool: "Their major contributions to the world already behind them, baseball Hall-of-Famers will never get the glory they received on the day they were inducted into the Hall-of-Fame until their funerals. We honor living HOFers by putting them into a Death Pool and hoping they will soon receive that final glorious moment in the sun … before they are buried or cremated."
Good luck to one and all!
While we get our act together and set up the league, here are some MLB links — also found in the menu bar up top — you might find useful during the season: